Many talk about innocence “lost” and when it’s once lost, it can never be regained. I disagree with that statement.
When I was young, Mom and Dad were always right…fairies were real…and a new coloring book and new box of crayons were about the best thing next to candy. Christmas and Halloween were the most exciting days of the year. And sometimes there was absolutely nothing as wonderful as laying on the grass, on a warm spring day, staring at the clouds. Shapes in the clouds would get blurry and fade as I closed my eyes and got lost in daydreams about all the possibilities that life held.
I remember while growing up that faith was an easy thing. God heard all my prayers and answered them. It was as simple as that. Life was pretty much black and white with lots of bright colors to make it exciting. There was no such thing as a “grey area.” I believed in love at first sight, “happily ever after”, and fairytales. Innocence was a beautiful thing.
Then I grew up. Reality interfered with daydreams, possibilities and fantasies. Life no longer seemed fun or exciting, but just a daily stream of duties that had to be accomplished. There were always good moments, even perfect moments, as stated in an earlier entry, but life had just somehow lost its…magic.
Recently, though, I was going through some pictures and memories of when I was a child. I remembered the dreams, the laughter, and the unlimited possibilities that life had held for me once. I sat there with the pictures spread on my bed, old poems in my hands and I thought “what if?” What if life still held possibilities that I had not even dreamed of? What if the magic, mystery and excitement of life were still there? What if I could believe in miracles again as I did when I was a child?
With those thoughts in mind, I began to search for those feelings of joy and excitement I once used to know. And when I searched…I found it. “It” for me was thrilling to the colors of a summer sunset, the dramatic black clouds in a thunderstorm, the chills I felt while listening to an exquisite line of music, a field of wildflowers covering a hillside, laughing with a child, watching an underdog win a gold medal, holding a newborn, writing a poem, seeing a play, taking a perfect picture, or staring at the full moon in a dark sky and knowing that there were still many mysteries in the universe yet to be solved.
I found magic in life again, and with it, I believe I found innocence again. Somewhere, deep inside of me, the magic was always there. It was just waiting to be set free.
It’s not always easy to find those feelings when finances, health and relationship problems press in upon me…but the quest, nevertheless, continues.
“Long Lost Child”
Deep within my memory
Where the grass grows to my knees
Where sparrows sing, and all creation speaks to me.
Where clouds rain in noonday sky
With castles, kings, and queens
Where hopes and dreams, and angels’ wings are common things
A long lost child falls behind
And now she is miles and miles from the present time
And just like the birds that fly across the sky
She’s been away awhile
Oh, but I will find her, free from all guile
Long lost child