Innocence lost…and found

Many talk about innocence “lost” and when it’s once lost, it can never be regained.  I disagree with that statement.

When I was young, Mom and Dad were always right…fairies were real…and a new coloring book and new box of crayons were about the best thing next to candy.  Christmas and Halloween were the most exciting days of the year.  And sometimes there was absolutely nothing as wonderful as laying on the grass, on a warm spring day, staring at the clouds. Shapes in the clouds would get blurry and fade as I closed my eyes and got lost in daydreams about all the possibilities that life held.

I remember while growing up that faith was an easy thing.  God heard all my prayers and answered them.  It was as simple as that.  Life was pretty much black and white with lots of bright colors to make it exciting.  There was no such thing as a “grey area.”  I believed in love at first sight, “happily ever after”, and fairytales.  Innocence was a beautiful thing.

Then I grew up.  Reality interfered with daydreams, possibilities and fantasies.  Life no longer seemed fun or exciting, but just a daily stream of duties that had to be accomplished.  There were always good moments, even perfect moments, as stated in an earlier entry, but life had just somehow lost its…magic.

Recently, though, I was going through some pictures and memories of when I was a child.  I remembered the dreams, the laughter, and the unlimited possibilities that life had held for me once.  I sat there with the pictures spread on my bed, old poems in my hands and I thought “what if?”  What if life still held possibilities that I had not even dreamed of?  What if the magic, mystery and excitement of life were still there?  What if I could believe in miracles again as I did when I was a child?

With those thoughts in mind, I began to search for those feelings of joy and excitement I once used to know.   And when I searched…I found it.   “It” for me was thrilling to the colors of a summer sunset, the dramatic black clouds in a thunderstorm, the chills I felt while listening to an exquisite line of music, a field of wildflowers covering a hillside, laughing with a child, watching an underdog win a gold medal, holding a newborn, writing a poem, seeing a play, taking a perfect picture, or staring at the full moon in a dark sky and knowing that there were still many mysteries in the universe yet to be solved.

I found magic in life again, and with it, I believe I found innocence again.  Somewhere, deep inside of me, the magic was always there.  It was just waiting to be set free.

It’s not always easy to find those feelings when finances, health and relationship problems press in upon me…but the quest, nevertheless, continues.

“Long Lost Child”

Mindy Gledhill

Dreamer

Deep within my memory
Where the grass grows to my knees
Where sparrows sing, and all creation speaks to me.

Where clouds rain in noonday sky
With castles, kings, and queens
Where hopes and dreams, and angels’ wings are common things

A long lost child falls behind
And now she is miles and miles from the present time
And just like the birds that fly across the sky
She’s been away awhile

Oh, but I will find her, free from all guile
Beautifully wild
Long lost child

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13 thoughts on “Innocence lost…and found

  1. Beautifully written post. Very thoughtful and heart touching post. I am not sure if innocence once lost can be regained once again or not. But I do believe that, life always takes that innocence from all of us after a point of time. Might be the struggle, responsibility make us like that.
    I enjoyed the poem also. Thanks a lot for sharing that one. Great piece of writing.

    1. Thank you Arindam! Maybe you are right, maybe innocence can’t be found again, but something akin to innocence can still be held onto even through the struggles of life. Maybe it’s the hope of innocence that one can find again. 🙂

  2. this made me cry..I will be thinking about this for a long time to come. Thank you for reminding me of that person inside too- sometimes its all we need- just to remember…

  3. What a lovely post. So poignant. Reminded me of Paradise lost….. and regained! What jumps out at me are the lines,

    “Oh, but I will find her, free from all guile
    Beautifully wild
    Long lost child.”

    The sheer intensity of out intention and resolve would make it happen.

    Shakti

    1. Thank you so much Shakti, I am honored you read one of my posts. Yes, I love the poem/song at the bottom. That song is one of my favorites. I should have posted the youtube video of it. You can find the link in one of my comments.
      Yes, the search continues to find my “beautifully wild, long lost child.”

  4. So beautiful Melissa!..as I read it I tried to recall my childhood and the feelings that i have now. It’s rejuvenating…I love it! keep writing my dear friend, you have a talent for that. Love you….

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