“You can’t go back.” This phrase is commonly used in reference to re-visiting a place where you once had happy memories. I used to believe this. I used to believe that no place you returned to would ever hold the joy and happiness you once felt living there. I’m happy to say I was wrong.
I recently moved back to Spokane, Washington. I was born and raised here and it holds many wonderful childhood memories for me. I moved away when I was 15 years old, but am surprised to find how many of my memories of good times still hold true. If any place felt like home for me, this is the place. It’s the only home where I felt my family had deep roots.
In my 2 months here, I have visited with friends I knew long ago and my heart remembers the simple joy I once knew. It was a joy not complicated by a world filled with the daily bombardment of the stress and pressures of being an adult.
No, my world then was filled with playing games outside in the summer until the stars came out. A world where I would watch terrific lightning and thunder storms from the windows and never be afraid. A world where fireworks and lakes and potato salad were synonymous with Independence Day. A world where crisp apples and smoky air from the farmers’ annual burning of their fields would announce the beginning of school and fall. A world where pumpkin pie, hot chocolate and Halloween costume parades would give way to the first snowfall and the excitement of Christmas. A world where winter greys would meet blue spring skies, yellow daffodils and the cycle of a beautiful life would start over.
That was my childhood. Of course we had our fair share of troubles as anyone does, but as a child and young teenager, the good far outweighed the bad.
For the first time in many years, I’m finding the little girl I once knew. She was buried under years of disappointments, failure, abuse, neglect, sadness, anger, and pain. But here, it’s as if the years have melted away and I find her again with that similar wistful innocence. In Washington’s splendid June beauty, I see the gentle verdant rolling hills, the bushes covered with lavender lilacs and pink roses, the lakes and the farms and towering pines that graced the paths of my childhood. They are still all here and as warm and welcoming as they were when I was a child.
A few days ago, I sat on the porch of this old Victorian house where I’m currently living and laughed with my friend and her children and parents over life. We talked about memories and how her father had been taught by my grandmother in elementary school! I laughed with my girlfriend as we talked about playing with barbies and unicorns. The sun was setting as we ate popsicles and I listened to them all share stories of life. I rocked and smiled staring at the one hundred year old trees that lined the street. Inwardly, I took a deep breath and let out a mental sigh of relief…I’ve finally come home.
(Yes, the photo is really a picture of me.)
I walked with my head down and my hands in my pockets, deep in thought and trying desperately to keep the tears from falling. I felt weary and worn out by the world. Problems that seemed to have no answer were made more complicated by my wavering feelings. Regrets from the past weighed down my hopes for the future. Too many broken dreams made it almost impossible to dream again. I felt old and tired.
As a young girl, I first read the book “Anne of Green Gables.” The character of Anne spoke to me in a way that few characters do. I WAS Anne…the curious, adventurous, romantic, slightly nerdy, but steadfast and loyal friend. (Though I did lack Anne’s spunk.) She was my heroine and how many times I wished I was living in her beautiful Green Gables set in the fields and woods against the backdrop of Prince Edward Island.![Glyn Baker [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons](https://wallflowerblossoming.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/forget-me-nots_-_geograph-org-uk_-_1311418.jpg)
Wallflower Blossoming 