Join Me in Paris

Join Me in Paris

Audrey Hepburn Eiffel TowerCome and join me in one of my favorite memories and trips of all time…Paris.  Let us wander the streets together.  The streets walked by millions of lovers, artists and hopeless romantics searching for that elusive idea of “love.”

Walk where the architecture swoons with every curve and where the Seine is graced by slow moving boats.  Stroll where a dress is a masterpiece of art and cuisine melts on the tongue.  Why do visions of Audrey Hepburn standing in front of the Eiffel Tower call forth the ultimate in femininity and class?  Why is Paris “always a good idea” as she once said?

Ah…Paris. The very name sends a little romantic thrill through my heart.  When I was 12 years old, I saw a movie that was based in Paris and ever since then, I’ve been in love with it. After wishing, hoping and dreaming for over 30 years, I finally was able to travel there for a few days.  It was both eye-opening and beautiful.

I remember being warned that it was dirty and not as romantic as many liked to think it was.  Of course I saw the dirt, the graffiti, and yes, even some vermin (both human and animal).  But I also saw everything that people love about the place.  There was a boulangerie with fresh baked croissants and bread.  Friends sitting with their coffee at charming little cafes, locals playing a game of Boules (a game that involves heavy balls), street musicians and entertainers, and beautiful locals passing on their bicycles.  And of course, there was that stunning French flair for fashion that made me a wee bit envious of the beautiful women that passed by.

There were Gothic churches that swept your eye upwards to the sky.

Paris Church

There was opulence in every corner at the Palace of Versaille.  From golden gates to painted masterpieces on the ceilings to the stunning gardens…no detail was left untouched.

Palace of Versailles

But most of all, there was the Eiffel Tower.

Eiffel tower at night

To this woman, the Eiffel Tower was the ultimate romantic dream.  It symbolized the idea of love for me.  It was as if simply by being there, that one could find the love one had always hoped for.  Throughout the years, hopeless romantic daydreams were often accompanied by the Eiffel Tower in the background.

The day I finally got to see it, I was completely surprised at my reaction.  I left the subway and walked around the corner and up to the platform above it to get the best view.  When it came into view, I was suddenly overwhelmed by my feelings.  The tears started to flow and I couldn’t keep them back.  It was one of my first long-held dreams that had come true. (Video below of me and my reaction.)

As the character Sabrina in the movie “Sabrina” said, “Only where the light is pink, does the song La Vie en Rose (Life in Rose) make sense.” Why? Because to see Paris is to see life through rose-colored glasses.

And during these days, when the world seems so full of confusion, pain and darkness, rose-colored glasses help me to find the beauty that still exists.

Unfinished Symphonies

Unfinished Symphonies

Waltzing in your arms
On the sifting sands
Swaying to the rhythm
Of the hushed waves
As the colors of dawn
Sang a silent song
Only the winking stars
And the rustling palms
Had been witnesses
To our fleeting romance

Our eyes sang a lyrical melody
Our entwined fingers
Played a symphony
With a rising crescendo
Of unspoken emotions
Our lips met…
Desire, passion, love, frustration
And hopelessness crashed
Into one unforgettable moment
Of impossible longing

We watched the stars disappear
As we held onto the night
That could never last
We fought farewell
As the notes of our symphony
Faded into a minor key
With one last wistful kiss
We watched the curtains fall on our dream
As the rising sun of our new reality
Made its melancholy debut

Clarity

Clarity

Several faces cross my mind
Memories of dried up wishes
Daydream bouquets wilted
Another handful of dry petals
Blowing away as I toss them
Into the cold spring wind…

March lions hail down
Pellets of frozen ice
Winds slice through my armor
another false disguise
Pulling my coat closer feeling resigned
I turn and bump into you.

A flash of immortal fire
splits the darkening skies

Two souls find each other
through the meeting of startled eyes
And suddenly with a lightning view
I realize in all of those confusing faces…
I was searching for you.

Reunion

Reunion

I knew you a long time ago…
When spirit touched spirit
And our minds were intertwined
There were no obstacles
Such as distance
Or baggage
Or heartbreak…
There was just us
Believing we could fight the world
To find each other again

It was simple…
Before life interfered
And we found ourselves
Far from each other
With a veiled mind
And no remembrance of carefree days
Running through the stars
Nor the tender promises
Two innocent souls had made

Years have passed…
And time has mellowed my heartache
But I still wait for you
For our breathless reunion
When with a hesitant glance
Our eyes will meet
Our spirits will touch
The flame will rekindle
And we will smile
Remembering just a glimpse
Of eternity…

The Music Box

The Music Box

It draws me in…it almost calls to me.  In a shop crowded with cheap and tasteless novelties, its beauty stands out. I longingly touch the surface, running my hand along the carvings and staring at the romantic icon of the Eiffel Tower.  It speaks volumes without saying a word. 

I wind up the box and open it.  Its minor notes play a wistful tune.  I have heard this melody before, but not in my current memory.  Did I hear it in another place and time?  Haunting, mysterious, and tender…

I close my eyes.  Yes, I know this tune…it is both familiar and timeless.  Among the notes I hear soft whispered words from past shadows.  His voice, someone I once knew…but have not met yet.  He is still there…hiding in the shadows of my other memory.  Those whispers…what are they saying?

“I loved you once and I will love you again.  I will find you…”  My heart recognizes his voice…the deep timbre sends chills through my veins.  Trembling, I carefully close the box and hold it close to me.  He is near…

Moon River

moon riverTonight a light breeze plays with my curtain while a soft April rain patters lightly against my window.  It’s the gentle hour.  The music of Moon River accompanies the quiet air. The tender and yearning notes stir my memories and I’m young again.

Suddenly, I’m fishing off a dock with my grandpa or sitting at the end of Mom’s bed as she reads to me.  I’m taking a “ride” on my Dad’s foot around the living room or playing dolls with my sister.  I have tea with my unicorn and the fairies dance at sunset. I whisper my deep secrets to the Man in the moon and dream of adventures in distant lands.

Oh Moon River, you dream maker, you heart breaker…wherever you went, I went your way!  This drifter went off to see the world…(there’s still so much of the world to see).  But I’m still seeking the ‘rainbow’s end’ somewhere around the bend. Moon River, I’m still waiting to find my huckleberry friend.  Moon River…please…wait for me.

 

 

 

Silver Sailboats

Silver Sailboats

 

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I stare at the stars in the velvet darkness
Millions upon millions
of flickering lights
Dancing across the great
panorama of eternity

We are lost in the skies
Silver sailboats sailing along Moon River
Seeking a place to call home
Do I trust in Destiny
As the Midnight hour approaches?

Soft snowflakes turn to summer crickets
While white swans sail through the seasons
Taking no note of the sighs
Of the one who sits by
Silently waiting…

My Muse of Music

I normally write about the inspirations of nature, but this man, Stjepan Hauser, and the way he plays the cello is passion personified.  He is my muse for this particular piece.

young-woman-listening-to-music-through-headphones (2)Trembling
I await your touch
Upon the strings…
The notes of passion
Resonating
Within my soul…
Every part of me responds
to the sweetness
of lingering perfection
 
Caressing the music
With a lover’s touch
Holding her gently
Playing her…
Persuading her…
Bringing forth
Both fire and the divine
 
Silver notes pour forth
Reaching deep into the unknown
I quiver
Holding my breath
Melting in my mind
Into the arms
Of a poet without words

For the Hopeless Romantics

5. Woman looks out on sea from cruise - 141670436 - Getty - 506x380_tcm3317-1018716I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I was a hopeless romantic. When I was a child, it was fine to believe in love at first sight, romance, soul mates, and happily ever afters.  I loved dressing up in old dresses pretending that I was Cinderella at the ball and my Prince Charming was about to sweep through the door.

In my early teenage years, I would sit quietly in the corner during class and lunch and devour romance novels.  My favorite author at the time (Emilie Loring) was a woman who had written more than 30 books from the 1920’s to the 1960’s.  I loved her characters: the heroines were always beautiful, graceful and elegant.  The heroes were always true gentlemen that would fall in love with the wholesome, positive and courageous women. The books were full of optimism and adventure and sprinkled with just enough romance that they thrilled my innocent heart. I firmly believed that my own hero would find me someday and I would have that relationship that I so yearned for.

Yet, as I grew older, I discovered from many of my peers that believing in these things were considered immature and childish.  It was fine to seek a relationship, but I had to do so with a sophisticated, cynical veneer.  I had spent so many years as a child being bullied that I was afraid of not fitting in, so I adopted the cynicism and mocked silly romantics with the best of them.  I found it was easy to do since so little romance came my way.  It was easy to make fun of it and pretend that it didn’t matter to me, when inside my heart was crying out for that tenderness, affection and passion that I had believed in as a child.

As the years passed and the gulf widened between my secret hopes and reality, I began to truly believe in the cynical viewpoint of relationships and love.  My own marriage had failed and I have never experienced the love I had dreamt of all those years before.  Did anyone have good relationships or was it all just a show?  My own graveyard of broken hearts had just about convinced me to give up altogether.  I found it ironic that the woman who had written a book about hope was feeling the complete opposite.

But then the universe stepped in yet again.  One night, as I watched a documentary regarding a motivational speaker, I felt a little tug at my heart.  He spoke of dreams and possibilities and the passion required to accomplish them. Facing my own stark reality, the floodgates in my soul opened and I sobbed.  Was there really a possibility that my dreams could still become reality?  I had buried those hopes so well after so many failures. But it was as if a little pixie dust from a passing star seemed to sprinkle itself on me reminding me of who I am.

I am a hopeless romantic.  I love flowers, nature, beautiful clothes and soft music. I love mystery, adventure, romantic movies and above all…happy endings.  I can honestly say that I still believe that my “one” is out there somewhere seeking for me and that one day I will have that relationship I long ago hoped for.  And best of all, I can say that I have found faith in my dreams again and in myself.

For all the hopeless romantics out there, embrace who you are.  We remind people to believe in magic and miracles and to hope again. Through music, art and words, we help others to find that indescribable “something” that lift souls above the ordinary.  And most of all, we believe in love and the power it has to change lives.

Keep staring at the stars, romantic one, and maybe…just maybe, one day you will finally be able to touch one.

 

 

 

 

The Mockery of Valentine’s Day

 

deadcupid(Disclaimer: these are my feelings.  I know they don’t pertain to every singleton out there.)

Valentine’s Day always brings out the worst in me. I have never, in my adult life, had a good Valentine’s Day.  Romance was not in my ex’s vocabulary and though I initially tried to make it special with my own thoughtful gestures, they were tossed off with a careless “thanks.”  Needless to say, between that and never having a boyfriend on this holiday, my enthusiasm has been slightly dampened for the day of “romance and love.”

For all of you “happily married” or “happily in a relationship” people, let me remind you what Valentine’s Day is like for the single woman over a “certain age.” (This may also be why some of your friends may not be jumping up and down when you tell them all about your romantic plans.)

If the day falls on a weekday, we see many women with beautiful bouquets of flowers, chocolate boxes or other gifts.  The chatter over the water cooler will be all about who is planning what for their special “amour” on this romantic day.  For the single woman, we usually smile, nod, and act interested when we know perfectly well that we are burning up with jealousy.

Then comes the dreaded question “What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?” And we must admit that our plans don’t contain a significant other.  My answers are usually “Oh, my friends and are hanging out” or something similar.  Or, on occasion, I flat out lie and make up this wonderful story of what I’m going to be doing to celebrate the detested holiday.  I also know that I will likely end up wrapped in a blanket with my Netflix movie and chocolate.  (By the way, did you know that they started selling chocolates on Valentine’s day because of the single women? Women in love really don’t need chocolate.)

Film Bridget Jones The Edge Of Reason
BRIDGET JONES (I so identify with this movie.)

If Valentine’s Day falls on a weekend, everywhere you go, you are bombarded with canoodling couples while your arms are empty.  One can often feel like they should be posting a sign on their foreheads that reads “reject.”

But the most painful experience is dealing with our own thoughts.  In our heads, we often face the reoccurring thought that there is something “wrong” with us.  This isn’t necessarily true, but when most other people around you are married, in a relationship or dating, you can’t help but wonder what you are doing that causes you to remain single as the years pass.  Unfortunately, that’s a complicated answer and different for everyone.  But being single during this holiday can often feel like a cruel form of emotional torture.
sad woman

So, as a single woman over a “certain age” let me remind the happily-ever-afters that on this holiday, don’t rapture over your significant other’s amazing plans or gifts to your single girlfriends.  We love you and we’re excited for you, but it’s a bit like rubbing lemon juice in a cut.  We’ll be excited with you on another day, but for this day (unless we ask), just leave us be or talk about anything else other than Valentine’s Day.

And for all those single women out there reading this, remember…fluffy pj’s, hot baths, chocolate and the cuddles of your pet friends can soften just about any heartache. (Almost.)

The gentle girl with a kitten. She is one at home. Cosy.
(I couldn’t resist the picture of the woman with the cat as most who know me know I’m a self-proclaimed “crazy cat lady.” 🙂