The Miracle of Christmas

“Unfortunately, we won’t need your help after the end of December.” Those were the words my current supervisor said to me this morning. A contract job I had been told I would have for several more months (and was hoping would become permanent) was now ending. I had just started the job in the middle of October after a five month stretch of looking for work with no income.

I hung up the video call, bent my head and wept. It was too much.

The week before Thanksgiving, I separated from an extremely toxic marriage. My sister and brother-in-law kindly took me in as I had no money for rent. The oh-so-gracious landlord said I could only stay until the end of December, but that did not matter, as I had made plans with a friend to work and live abroad for a few months come January. I would finally get to go back to England which I had been missing for a long, long time. My husband would stay in the states and take the car and the cats. It was a good plan for the both of us.

In one fell swoop, everything was wiped away. Instead of visions of sugar plums, I had visions of large debts that I owe looming in my head. Where was I going to live when the time came for me to leave? How was I going to survive with no income if I didn’t find something right away? What would happen when the money ran out? These questions hit me hard. After work ended, I laid in bed in a dim room and let the tears stream down my face. I kept thinking of that quote by J.K. Rowling “Rock bottom became the foundation upon which I rebuilt my life.” I felt at rock bottom.

I watched a Christmas movie with my sister trying to keep my spirits up while I applied to jobs on my phone. All I did was make cynical comments. Christmas…bah humbug. I was definitely not in the mood for anything even remotely jovial. The romance between the couple seemed a mockery of my own relationship. Their silly problems seemed ridiculous in the face of what I was experiencing.

But the end line of the movie talked about faith…the one thing that binds everyone together. I felt a tear slip down my cheek. My own faith felt small and broken.

I had to run an errand to the grocery store. Small snowflakes were lightly covering the wet ground. I walked slowly from my car and for a moment, turned my face up to feel the snowflakes on my cheeks and nose. They tickled. I had forgotten that they could tickle like that. I felt something innocent bubble up inside of me. It was small, but it was there.

As I finished my errand and got back in my car, I switched on the radio and these lines were sung “A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices…for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.” And then I suddenly remembered: Christmas was about Him…the Savior of the World. It wasn’t about how much money you had nor how many presents were under the tree. It was about remembering that the greatest gift of all was something that could never be wiped away. A gift that was given freely to every human on earth…the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The gift of pure love.

And then I felt it. That peaceful, quiet, spiritual miracle of Christmas. Him…Jesus the Christ.

I took a deep breath and wiped a tear away. It will be ok, no matter what happens, it will be ok. I don’t know how, but He’s proven it to me over and over again. I simply must just trust Him. I believe in miracles, especially at Christmas. I don’t know if my miracle will come before or after that beautiful day, but it will come. Yes, it will come. I believe…I believe…I believe…