Be Still My Soul

“Be still my soul”

I sat in my bed listlessly staring out at the raging storm. The winds fiercely whipped the trees, stripping off the last of the dead leaves of winter. The rain pelted the window and the house creaked and moaned from the intensity. It perfectly suited the storm in my heart.

Another night…another heartbreak…another hope buried. Another door shut. This one had cut deep. I could do nothing but lay down on my pillow and cry myself to sleep.

The next morning was church. I rose with a heavy weight on my soul. I dressed and went and sat quietly in the corner. As the speakers began, I closed my eyes and no matter how I tried, I could not keep the tears from spilling over. For a while, I didn’t even care. I just let them slip quietly down while everyone else’s attention was on the speaker.

Bitterness began to seep in and a litany of negative thoughts from past inner battles took up their refrain. “You’re not good enough.” “Who would want you?” “Give it up.” At this point, the tears threatened to choke me, so I got up and found a quiet room and shut the door and let the tears just come.

A prayer came then in whispers. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m not strong enough. Please help. I feel so…broken.” I stood there feeling very small and utterly lost.

Moments later, the help came. Somewhere, behind the tears, I heard a quiet voice say “Peace be unto thy soul. Thine afflictions shall be but a small moment…you are not alone.” A peace that did not come from me stole softly into my heart. The lump in my throat disappeared. The tears dried and I felt calm. It was my own private miracle.

As I rejoined the meeting and focused on the speaker, the same words I had heard minutes before were spoken “Peace be unto thy soul. Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.” I caught my breath. The Savior was speaking directly to me.

He knew.
He understood.
He loved me.
It was enough.

“Be still my soul
Thy best…thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways…
Leads to a joyful end.”

Sometimes It’s Just Air…

The other day while running errands, I noticed the tire on my car was a little flat and went to fill it with air at the gas station.  There was another woman there filling up her tire and as I waited, I noticed she stopped and would shake out and rub her hands as if she was in pain.  I paused, because some people don’t always like to be helped.  But after watching her shake her hands out a second time, I turned off my car and went and asked if I could help her.  She said “Yes, please!” And so I filled up her tire for her.

She explained that she had neuropathy in her hands from cancer.  My mother had neuropathy in her feet from diabetes and I knew how painful it could be.  She used to describe it as sharp needles of pain. I was glad I could help and after wishing her a nice day, she thanked me and left.  I thought no more about it.

The following Sunday, while sitting in church, we were encouraged to get up and share our feelings about Jesus Christ and other spiritual subjects if we felt inspired.  It’s called Testimony meeting and we have it once a month.  For some reason, though I don’t normally, I felt inspired to get up and share what had happened and talk about service to others as a way to light the world in dark times.

After I sat down, another woman stood up and said “I have the second half to Melissa’s story,” and she went on to describe that it was her friend who had been the cancer survivor! They had met at lunch just after my experience with her and she had talked about how grateful she was for the woman that had showed up when she needed help.

The woman spoke about how our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are in the details of our lives.  I sat there in awe (as did most of the rest of the audience) and couldn’t help the tears from flowing freely down my cheek.  I realized again how important our lives and everyday cares are to our Heavenly Father.  I thought about the numerous times someone has served me: an inspired call when I was lonely or feeling discouraged, a gift of money when I was broke, a knock at the door with some Christmas chocolate when I was craving chocolate just at the moment…and the list goes on.

What better way to celebrate Christmas than with random acts of love and kindness?  You can be the angel to someone else if you just listen to that little voice inside of you.  Sometimes it’s just a hug, a smile, a kind word offered to someone having a hard day, extra change, a listening ear, a pair of shoes, a shoveled sidewalk, a conversation with a lonely person and sometimes…it’s just air in a tire.

Sending my love and hugs and Christmas wishes to you all! 

We Still Seek Him…

It slipped in softly and early this year.  It started long before the holiday decorations appeared in the stores…long before the carols began to play.  It began to appear when the first cloudy, cooler day came.  The barest drift of snow appeared on the very tops of the mountains and the autumn colors were changing all about me.  It whispered to me…but I didn’t hear it.

The noise of the world interfered.  I heard anger, hatred, wars, terrorist attacks, disasters and my own personal frustrations.  In some ways, it seemed almost all-consuming.  Even when I fought it with humor or other things, it was still there, in the back of my mind making me question many things about my life.

Then one day, while listening to quiet music, one of my favorite Christmas songs was suggested and though it was October, I listened to it.  The notes began to caress my spirit tenderly and quietly.  Like a warm hug that starts from inside and moves outward, I felt peacefully wrapped in love.  Once that song had finished, another one began to play…another gentle melody, another favorite song.  For more than an hour, I sat and listened to one tender, reverent song after another…and the darkness disappeared.

What counteracted the darkness?  The Savior of the world, Jesus Christ, who is the very epitome of love and light.  It was a much needed reminder that while the world is in turmoil, we can find peace within ourselves if we seek it…if we seek Him.  For wise men still do.

As a Christmas gift to you all, I have put together a list of those songs that brought me such warmth, love and peace.  I hope you all get a quiet time to listen and reflect on the peace that is still ours if we seek it.  Merry Christmas to my beloved friends and family and as Tiny Tim once said…

“God Bless Us…every one!”  

Counting My Blessings – Happy Thanksgiving!

(Dedicated to my mom who loved Thanksgiving and who taught me to be thankful for the truly important things in life like family, love, nature and Heavenly Father.) 

It seems appropriate to be discussing blessings during Thanksgiving.  The above song is from the movie “White Christmas”, but the words are timeless.  It was during an especially difficult day that I remembered this song.  As I listened to it, the words were like a lullaby soothing my soul.  I used to watch this movie with my mom and it has grown more dear with each passing year.

As I have struggled with the daily challenges of life, I have tried to remember to “count my blessings” or look for the positive in my own life.  Even on my worst days, I will look up at the stars,  and be thankful that I can see them.  When “my bankroll is getting small” and other events are worrying me, I take this day to simply remember all the positive that I have in my life: joyous memories, the ability to see a sunset or watch a storm roll in, to travel to incredible places, to hear exquisite music, to taste delicious food, to have friends around the world and most of all, to share in the warmth of  family and loved ones.

Dear friends, I hope you will do the same. On this day, let us be thankful for the good in our lives.  It takes only a few moments, but it will bring a smile to your face and a lift to your soul.  Even when your cares press in upon you so much that you feel like you can barely breathe, if you stop and think about it for a while, you will begin to find the blessings.  They are there, like small gems waiting to be discovered.

So tonight, as I lay there falling asleep, I will be counting my blessings instead of sheep…and I’ll fall asleep counting my blessings.

(Though this post was written a few years ago, it’s been changed just a bit and the message is just as important now as it was then.)

And so the snow falls…

It’s late autumn in the mountains and the glorious colors of the leaves have faded.  They fall with the lightest touch and the ground is a carpet of varying patches of color.  The hills have turned different shades of pale yellow and brown.  Touched with frost, few colors now grace the landscape other than a few muted yellows, grey rocks and dark brown grass.  The tree branches have turned dark…starkly outlined against the sky.  It is almost a somber scene.

But as I stand here surveying, I look up.  Under a storm grey dome, a gentle snowflake, white and pure, glides softly along the breeze landing on my black glove.  For a moment, it’s a delicate picture before it melts away.  Another moment, another snowflake lands on my nose, tickling the skin.  I glance up to see the skies begin to fill with a thousand white feathers and I watch as they slowly and quietly cover the black branches and the dreary landscape.

It’s the first snowfall and as I watch, a simple and childlike joy fills me as I again witness the transformation of darkness into light.  A hush falls over the mountains as the thick snow seems to rest the tired rustlings of a weary earth.  Quietly…silently, the snowflakes change a lifeless scene into a new world of purity and light.

The symbolism is not lost on me: against the noise, darkness and despair of the world, how quietly does He restore peace.  It is much like a tender, white blanket laid over a weary soul restoring comfort and hope…a silent reminder of love.

And so the snow falls…

Who You Truly Are…

Just recently I saw the movie “Moana” by Disney for the first time.  I put it on while I was working and found myself drawn into the story.  The symbolism of the journey of Moana, both physical and spiritual, reminded me of so many parallels in my own life.  Then came the climax of the movie where Moana confronts the demon Te Ka and she sings these lines…

“They have stolen the heart from inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
You know who you are…
Who you truly are…”

I couldn’t understand why, but I sat there with tears streaming down my cheeks. The lines “they have stolen the heart from inside you” shot straight through me like an arrow piercing my soul.  I thought back to the numerous rejections I’ve had from relationships or through other experiences and I realized that yes…they had stolen my heart.

As I sat there, I realized that because of so many painful experiences, that my heart had closed itself to love and to life in order to “protect” itself.  I was hiding from the world in every possible way, rarely letting the real me out to be seen.  I had arrived at a state where opening myself to a new relationship or even a new dream seemed beyond my power or strength. The fear of another heartbreak, another rejection, or another failure and the resulting searing pain from it held me in its tight grip.  How could I possibly try again knowing it would likely end in the same result?

But then the lines from the rest of the verse whispered through my mind “But this does not define you.  This is not who you are.  You know who you are…who you truly are.” Those lines seeped into my soul…lovingly, tenderly and quietly, melting the ice that had surrounded my heart.

The gentle voice reminded me that I was someone worth loving…that I was of great worth.  That I was a woman who had many good qualities and that I had much to give, not only as a romantic partner, but in so many other ways as well.  I wept, but the tears seemed to melt away the last tendrils of ice around my heart.  I took a deep breath, brushed away the last remaining tears and felt calm and peace.

I know who I am…who I truly am.  And though the world will still try to shout at me and tell me that I can’t possibly succeed, there is a quiet voice inside reminding me that I will.

 

I Choose…

Life is all about our choices.  Good or bad, our lives are in direct response to what we choose. Even our emotions and how we respond to a situation can be our choice.  This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately and was given the opportunity to test out yesterday.

I was rushing about to get things ready to meet my sister and her family as we were preparing to go to the lake for the day.  I was looking forward to this trip as a lovely distraction to get my mind off a heartbreak I was going through.  It had not been a very good week and this was my one bright spot.

Now we all have our weaknesses and bad habits and one of mine is putting on cosmetics in a car while I’m driving, but I’ve done it for 30 years and NEVER had an incident (No, I still shouldn’t do it, but I wanted to make that clear.) Yesterday morning as I was driving to the store, I hurriedly put on the cosmetics to use as sunscreen for the day.  After arriving at the store and getting out of my car, a man approached me and began to yell at me for putting on makeup while driving.  He cursed at me and called me everything from irresponsible to ugly, referring to the fact that the “make-up didn’t help.”  He did this in the middle of the parking lot with several people passing us going into the store.

A multitude of reactions went through me from fear to shock to confusion.  I didn’t know what to say other than try to walk away from him and finally told him to mind his own business as I quickly strode off in the opposite direction.  It shook me up so much that I left without purchasing anything.  Tears streamed down my cheeks as I drove to my sister’s house. My dear sister, seeing my tears, immediately wanted to track the man down and yell at him (bless her wonderful protective nature), but I said no, it wasn’t worth it.

As I drove to the lake with my nieces in the back of my car and listening to music, the tears still played about my eyes, but I made a conscious choice to focus on the good and not let a bitter man ruin my day.  I say this again…I made a conscious choice.  So I focused on the sun glistening through the pine trees.  I reveled in the lush mountain fields and the aqua blue of the lake as it broke into view.  I watched the kindness of strangers on the beach.  I laughed with my family, swam in the cool caressing waters, ate delicious food and relaxed on the sand simply glad to be alive in that moment.

Instead of allowing myself to give into pain, bitterness, anger and tears, I chose laughter, I chose light, I chose life and I chose love.  It was a small battle, but I conquered and my soul smiled.

The Power of a Song

Have you ever listened to a piece of music that was so perfect that it gave you chills every time you heard it?  The song “Bring Him Home” by The Piano Guys is one of those pieces of music. (Link below.) I could listen to it a thousand times over and never fail to hear the yearning and passion in every note.

Did you also know that this kind of music has the power to change even the most stressful moments into an atmosphere of peace?  Let me share an example.

The other day, I was taking the bus to run an errand.  As I got on, there was a mother and her teenage daughter just in front of me.  One of the passes didn’t work and an argument started up between the driver and the mother.  I could hear them talking loudly, tempers rising, as I climbed up the stairs to sit on the upper floor of the bus.  At that moment, another man was fighting with someone on his mobile phone and the entire atmosphere of the bus was tense and filled with negativity.  Taking the bus on the best of days can be challenging, but today it seemed downright difficult.

I looked down at my phone.  I had just been listening to that very song at home and wondered what the reaction would be if I turned it on.  I had heard someone the other day play a classical piece of music on the bus and not a word of complaint was said.  “Why not?” I thought.  I found the piece of music and turned it up and played it on my phone.

As the first notes of the song begin to play, I felt a little embarrassed, wondering if I should turn it off.  But no one said a word.  Instead, the passengers grew quiet.  The anger and negative atmosphere that had been there moments before seemed to slowly disappear with every beautiful note.  There was almost a sigh of relief and then as the song continued…reflection.

By the time the last haunting note faded out, there was a feeling of peace.  The anger was gone and with it, I do believe more than one heart was changed, even if only for a brief few minutes.  It seemed to be almost a miracle, but no, it was just a simple lesson.  Through the virtue of one song, I was reminded that love has a greater power than every other emotion.  And that is what is felt in every tender note of this song…pure and unconditional love.

Those Forgotten Flowers

For several weeks I have walked out my front door and passed this spot, ignoring it as I ran off to work or other errands.  I was always looking up at the gloomy, overcast skies and huddling under my coat racing for warmth seldom noticing anything around me.  Then just a few days ago, I stopped in surprise as I looked down and saw these small green shoots pushing up through the ground.  January 28th and there in front of my eyes was the first glimpse of Spring.  Though I was still in a hurry, I smiled to myself knowing that there would soon be colorful blossoms gracing those stems.

I thought a lot about those forgotten flowers throughout the day.  They had been growing silently for weeks…breaking through the hard soil, steadily upward through the frozen crystals, seeking the distant rays of a January sun.  Everything in the cold, harsh winter world should have stopped those flowers from growing, but there they were nevertheless.

I began to think about the dreams in my own life and how they had currently seemed at a standstill.  It was as if my world had been put on pause and the dreams I yearned for would never come to pass.  But those tiny green shoots reminded me that even when I’m not looking, there are forces swirling around me that are constantly bringing change.  One might feel as if one is not making progress, but just like those forgotten flowers, the obstacles are being overcome step by step.

It is a good lesson to remember – even when we think our lives are at an impasse and the walls will never fall, miracles are occurring every day even if we can’t see them.  Just like a flower growing under the snow.

 

Random Acts of Kindness

I was in the vitamin aisle wondering if I had enough money to buy my vitamins or if I should wait until I had a secure income.  I knew I was going to have to borrow money to make rent and wondered if the vitamins went on the necessity list or the “want” list. Then I glanced over my shoulder and saw her.  She was sitting on the metal bench at the pharmacy.  She was in her pajamas, talking on her cell phone and trying her best to wipe the tears away so others would not notice.

It was the day after Thanksgiving and shoppers were rushing by trying to get the best Christmas sales.  There was a general air of jolliness as the people passed, scurrying to get their errands done.  But there was no happiness in her face.  Our eyes met and for that brief moment, I saw the pain, the sadness, that desperate air of wanting to do…something and not knowing what to do.  It tugged at my heart.  I recognized that pain and that look in her eyes.  I have known it all too well.

Feeling shy and indecisive, I turned away.  Wasn’t that the polite thing to do when someone was hurting?  I mean, you don’t just walk up and hug a stranger.  I turned and looked at her again and then made up my mind.  There are times when you need to reach beyond your comfort zone.

Walking over to the flowers, I purchased a bouquet and then quickly made my way back hoping she was still there.  She was pacing in front of the pharmacy waiting for her prescription to be filled.  Nervously, I walked up to her and handed her the flowers and said “Whatever it is, I hope it gets better soon.  Merry Christmas.”  And then suddenly feeling a great deal of love, I reached out and hugged her and she hugged me back.  “Thank you,” she said quietly.  I looked in her eyes and though there were tears, I also saw surprise and something else…hope.  I turned and walked away and as I did so, she called out “Merry Christmas!”  I smiled and disappeared. For the rest of the day, the memory of her brave smile and sudden “Merry Christmas” stayed in my mind and I felt as if my own worries and burdens had somehow been lifted.

I do not tell you this story to make myself look like something I am not.  I tell you this story as a reminder that the best thing we can do to feel better about our own situations in life is to reach out and offer love, compassion and service to others.  If random acts of kindness were the hallmark of our society, there would not be so much sadness, so much anger and so much hatred.

So when you feel as if despair has taken hold and you can’t see outside of yourself, do me one favor…look around, find someone who needs a hand of compassion and reach out with love.  I promise you that your own burdens will seem lifted in return. Love sent to you all…

Angels Attend Us

I firmly believe in angels as I’ve had several experiences over my life that have reaffirmed my faith in them. Some of these experiences are too sacred to speak of, but this is one that I wanted to share as sometimes angels are there to protect us from ourselves.

It was a Saturday night in Cartagena, Colombia.  I had been practicing songs at church with the choir preparing for the following day. We walked out of the building and began our walk home, laughing and talking, arms around each other and singing just for the pure joy of it.

Normally, as we all walked home, several of my friends would accompany me until they felt I was safe.  This night, however, we all went out separate ways after a few blocks. I reached the place in my walk where I usually cut across a mechanic’s yard and hopped a wall to go home.  It cut off a good 5 blocks and I had done it a hundred times, though usually it was during the day.

That night as I began my trek across the dirt yard to the dark wall at the back, I saw a young girl on a bike riding off to my left in the light from an open door.  I then noticed a group of men sitting off to my right.  They were all drinking and laughing and joking.  As I got halfway through the yard and they noticed me, they all suddenly stood up. It was as if I had hit a wall and I immediately stopped.  My stomach clenched and I sensed danger.

My first instinct was to turn around and walk back the way I had come.  But then I thought “No, if I turn around, the men will know it was because of them and I don’t want to offend them.”  Though my heart was in the right place, it was definitely not the wisest of ideas I’ve ever had.

As I took a few more steps, I noticed how dark the back of the lot was.  It seemed almost pitch black with several large trucks parked.  At this point, a little voice in the back of my head was telling me to turn around and I began to hesitate.  I glanced again at the men out of the corner of my eye.  They were still all standing and I could feel their eyes on me.  My steps slowed, but I again shrugged off the feeling telling myself I was being silly.  I had passed these same men a hundred times without a single problem.

Just then, the little girl on the bike rode right in front of me and stopped me in my tracks. She looked at me and said in Spanish “You can’t go that way.  The wall is blocked.”  I wasn’t sure if I understood her correctly as my Spanish was still pretty bad at the time.  I asked, in my broken Spanish, if the wall had been repaired.  She just simply looked at me and said again “You can’t go that way.” I understood that and I also understood her firm body language and bike standing resolutely in my path.  I looked at her and said thank you and relieved that I now had an excuse, I quickly turned around and walked away very quickly.

The next day, I passed the wall on the opposite side.  I was curious to see if the wall had indeed been fixed.  As I came near to it, I stood in surprise that it was in exactly the same state it had always been.  It most definitely had not been repaired.  It was then that what had happened slowly dawned on me.  I stood there in the field staring at the broken wall and realized that I had been protected by an angel.  A small, innocent and very determined angel had stood between me and what could have been a very bad outcome.  I silently said a heartfelt thank you to my Heavenly Father who loved me enough to protect me from my own naivete.

Angels come in all shapes and sizes and often they are there as an unseen hand helping us out when we need it the most.  But sometimes they are also there to protect us, even if they are protecting us from ourselves.

Very similar to my little angel

 

 

My Unconquerable Soul (The National Gallery of Art)

I originally wrote this over a year ago on my other blog, but realized few have seen it as I did not publicize that blog very well.  I still think it to be one of my better posts and I hope you feel the same.  Please remember that I love comments of all kinds!  🙂

“I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul” Invictus by William Ernest Henley I have always appreciated paintings, but I don’t believe I ever really was absorbed by t…

Source: My Unconquerable Soul (The National Gallery of Art)

Waiting for the Rain…

It’s been an excruciatingly long, very hot summer.  We have had an unusually dry season with almost no rain for more than 3 months. I have spent much of it driving around in a car with broken air conditioning in scorching 90 to 110+ degree temperatures.  I have sat in rush hour traffic with open windows begging mentally for a breeze that would cool me off, even feeling a little sick at times.  It has seemed almost unbearable.

Over the course of the last six weeks, I have watched the wild grasses dry up and turn yellow. The leaves on the trees look withered and parched and the dust from construction sites and fields would blow over everything.  Smoke from nearby wildfires would smother the sun and I began to imagine that this is what hell would feel like.  As clouds and winds would blow through, I would get my hopes up that it would rain, but Mother Nature seemed to mock us with a sprinkle that just turned the dust to splotchy drops and then blow away again.

As I have thought about it, I couldn’t help comparing it to those times that we endure, what seem to be, never-ending hardship.  We struggle through fiery, painful trials that seem to weary us to the core.  Like the dry storms that blow through, we get our hopes up only to find out they are empty promises.  It does seem, at times, as if the rain will never come to quench our parched lives.

But tonight…the rains came.  I cheered as I watched the black clouds roll in at sunset and thrilled to my toes as I watched the lightning flash in the distance. Now I’m sitting next to the open window, listening to the rain pour down washing away the dust and dirt. I can feel the cool breeze blow gently across me and the scent of fresh rain is enticing and delicious.  I am listening to my quiet music and feeling completely at peace.  A little smile hovers around my lips as I listen to the last of the drops fade away.

Just when we think we can’t bear it a moment longer, the relief finally comes.  An all-wise Father seems to know exactly how long we can bear something and then He steps in and mercifully tends to our scorched lives.  We just have to learn to trust that there will be an end to the Refiner’s fire. And like the rains that end a long drought, the gentle peace that comes at the end of a long trial is so much the sweeter, because we appreciate every drop.

 

Your Star is Still There…

Star of Bethlehem

Many years ago, I was singing in a church choir for a Christmas program. We learned a beautiful and haunting melody regarding a young boy who witnessed the birth of Jesus Christ. (Song is linked below.)

The most poignant moment in the song comes when the boy grows into a man and begins to lose his faith.  At his lowest point, he sings  “I hear someone call…’Do not despair, your star is still there.'”

A few years ago, this lesson was driven home to me in an unforgettable way. It was the Christmas season and instead of feeling joy, I could only feel misery, darkness and tears.  The previous year had brought family deaths, divorce and a broken heart and I spent the next 11 months mostly in anger and depression.  I was angry at God.  I may not have fully acknowledged it, but it was there nevertheless. Just as I felt I was beginning to get a grasp on life again, my hours at work were cut in half and another heartbreaking moment regarding a man I cared about shook me to the core. It was Christmas Eve.

It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I felt true despair.  I wondered if God even existed.  Everything I had hoped for in life seemed to just crumble at my feet. Angry tears coursed down my face.  I sat that Christmas Eve staring at my beautiful tree in the darkness and wished life would end.

The irony was not lost on me.  The celebration of life brought by the birth of the Savior was the night I wished no longer to live.  I cried myself to sleep.  Yet, even in that darkest moment, I felt the tendrils of hope still beckoning at me to not give up.

Christmas morning dawned clear and glorious.  Though I still felt the weight of sadness from the previous night, there was no doubt that Christmas was beginning to work it’s magic.  I played my part in the Christmas festivities feeling subdued.  Yet with the love and laughter of my family, I felt the layers of grief begin to lift one by one.

By the time I returned home that night, I felt humbled.  I began to see how my own mistakes had interfered with my happiness.  I had spent a year being angry with God when I should have been learning what lessons my Father and the Savior were trying to teach me.  This time I bowed my head in humble prayer and asked for forgiveness.

It was then that beautiful line passed through my mind “Do not despair, your star is still there.”  Cleansing, healing and humbling tears poured down my face.  It was a turning point in my life.  I may not have understood His plan, but He did…and He loved me.  Therefore, whatever He was planning was for the best, even if it didn’t feel like it at times.  It didn’t mean that everything in my life suddenly changed, but I stopped being angry and allowed His love, healing, and light to mend my wounded soul.

The depth of meaning that Christmas now brings is a constant source of happiness to me.  I sparkle, glitter and radiate from the inside out.  I’m in love with life!  I sing from the pure joy of understanding how blessed and how loved I am.  How loved we ALL are!

This powerful message is a reminder of why we celebrate Christmas.  The star, to me, is just another symbol of the Savior who loves us in ways we cannot comprehend with our earthly minds.  But it is also a reminder that He is still now and ALWAYS will be there.

My friends, no matter how dark life gets, no matter how forgotten you might believe you are, no matter how much despair you might feel, please remember…your star is still there.

Merry Christmas to one and all and may this New Year bring you the best year of your life (so far)!

Gratitude for the Little Things

The other day someone asked me “When was the last time you were really happy for a long period of time?”  I paused for a moment and said “I’m happy now!”  He seemed stunned and almost didn’t know how to respond.

I suppose that’s not an answer we hear very often these days.  For many people, the idea of happiness seems almost out of reach.  I used to think that.  There were many times I just felt as if I was existing and the idea of long-term contentment and happiness just felt almost impossible.

As adults, we are taught to be polite, answer “fine” to everything and when we aren’t feeling “fine”, we hide it and tell people we are “fine” anyway.  I have a dear friend who described F.I.N.E. as Fed-up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.  I always chuckled when I responded “fine” and she responded back with that.  It’s often true that when someone answers in that manner, they are most definitely NOT fine. When one has more disappointments and rejections than one can count, it is often difficult to pick yourself up and keep going.

But something has changed for me.  Instead of relying on those “possibilities” and “potentials” to bring me happiness, I’ve begun to look at everything I already have and feel immensely grateful. I am not rich in the financial sense, I don’t have a significant other, nor was I ever able to have children, but oh my goodness…I have more friends than I can count! I have loving, supportive family members who remind me on a daily basis how truly lucky and blessed I am.

I have a little place I can call my own and I smile every day as I wander pass the flowers I planted or look at the pictures I’ve hung.  The other day I stood there and just gazed at my bookshelf.  I finally had unpacked books and mementos that have been in boxes for years and just seeing them brought back beautiful memories.

I really am grateful…grateful for life with all of its laughter, peaceful moments, brilliant storms, trials that strengthen me, magnificent scenery,  and most of all, for all the shared love.

As I think about the amazing experiences I’ve had, the wonderful people I know, and all the “best days so far” to come, who am I not to be happy?!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

 

From Prisons to Palaces

“Adventure” is one of my favorite words.  It is a word so full of possibilities, excitement and the sheer thrill of the unknown right around the corner!  But as you will see in this post, adventure most definitely has it’s ups and downs.

When I was very young, we lived in a small farming community in Washington state.  We rented a home on a farm out in the middle of several wheat fields.  It would seem like an isolated place to live, but I had four older siblings and my imagination to keep me company.  I had a generally happy childhood and was content with my life until one “fateful day”.  I remember being about 5 or 6 years old, standing in the middle of the wheat fields and staring at the hills and mountains that surrounded me. All of a sudden, I had this intense desire and curiosity to see what was beyond those hills and mountains.  And that’s when it began…the desire for adventure.

Since that time as a child, I have been fortunate enough to have experienced many adventures, both good and bad.  Have you ever heard of the phrase “Curiosity kills the cat”?  Well, that would be me.  Like a famous character out of my favorite book, Anne of Green Gables, curiosity regarding this world has thrown me into some pretty unbelievable situations.  This blog has described but a few of them.

Yet, adventure has also allowed me the incredible opportunity of seeing many parts of the world.  I have sweated profusely in the jungles of the tiny island of Palau and frozen in the bitter winds of a Northern England winter. I have reveled in the beauty of an ideal Hawaiian beach and basked in the warm, Autumn twilight on a mountaintop in the Rockies. I have awed at palaces in London and visited dirty, cramped cement rooms in a 3rd world prison.  I have walked on 500-year-old castle walls in Cartagena, Colombia and skimmed across gray waters on a Seattle ferry boat.  From each place I have been, I have taken away many beautiful memories, lessons learned and lifetime friendships.

I know that this sounds exotic and exciting and may even seduce you to leave your current life and travel the world, but the life of an adventurer is not always one to be envied.  One must remember that to be an adventurer, one must give up other things in life.  I have been lonely, poor and sad many times.  At times, I have felt like a will-‘o-the-wisp scattered upon the winds.  I have lacked the security that comes from a home in one place with roots.  I have lived out of a suitcase sometimes and have never owned my own house.  I have seldom ever had more money than what was needed to pay the basics.  I have never held my “dream job” and I have worked more temporary positions and done more boring tasks than I ever want to remember!

Traveling the world and visiting new cultures has been a dream come true and so for me, some of the sacrifices were worth the rewards.  But I am now at an age where my desire for adventure struggles with my desire to become established in one place.  I still yearn to see many places in the world, but my energy wanes and curling up at night with a book and listening to music is often more enticing than crossing distant oceans.

Though I know this world still has eventful experiences in store for me (because as noted above, I seem to have the curious habit of just “falling” into them) I have discovered that the greatest adventure of life is the adventure of love within the walls of your own home with your own family.  And that, my friends, is an adventure I want to experience over and over again.